He Quits

It's been a few days since I was on daily ovulation-inducing drugs in preparation for my egg harvest surgery.  The experience was nothing short of hell.

The most difficult part of the process wasn't the dreaded daily (multiple) self-injections into my belly and thighs, nor the random weight gain (most of which was in my stomach), nor the soreness in injection areas, or the extreme nausea and constant migraines, nor the disruption in my daily routine -- my schedule was no longer mine; at an instant I'd get summoned to the hospital for blood work or an ultra sound and would have to cancel everything to make that hour-long drive (each way!).  The most difficult part of this process was the stress on my marriage!
Yep...the hormones completely stripped away the essence of who I was/am and made me a raging BITCH and he had to put up with every minute of it!

After a long day at work....3rd day in a row pulling a 12-hour work day...he came home, exhausted!  I'd been crying...for no good reason....sending him emails and text messages on how miserable I was feeling at random hours of the day.  I begged him to come home, so he did.

"Anything to eat upstairs?  If not, I'll go pick up some Thai food. I'm starved" he inquired.
"hmmm...there should be leftovers in the fridge"  I added, completely situated in the comfortable position I had assumed on the couch hours earlier.

Minutes later, he came down with a hot plate of leftover food.

"Sooo...you didn't think to make me any?" I snapped
"....you didn't exactly express you were hungry.  You've been home for hours.  Why haven't you eaten?"
"You're sooo insensitive and selfish and don't care about me..."  as I burst into tears.
"Oh goodness!  Here, you eat this, I'll make another plate"
"hmmm...I'm not in the mood for lamb or corn or spinach"
"Would you like me to grill some chicken for you?  Or salmon?
"hmmm.....no, not in the mood for that either"
"Then what do you want?"
"STOP PRESSURING ME!!!!"
"WHY ARE YOU YELLING??? I'm just trying to appease you"
"omg.....you don't understand what I'm going through.  You never have.  If you cared, you wouldn't offer me leftovers.  I'm going through so much right now.  I need someone who'd understand me. You don't"
"....I can't do this right now.  It's been a very long week.  We're out of wine...I'm going to go grab a few bottles, while you calm down".
"...so you're leaving me?  In this very vulnerable time?  I knew it.  You crack under pressure.  No one loves meeeeeeeee"

"WHAT?!!!?   Please stop!  I do love you.  I always have.  Relax.  I'll be back in a few minutes.  Calm down".
"so you're really leaving?  fine!  Go and don't come back.....ever!!!"
"What do you want from me?  I can't win"  ...as he gives in and proceeds to take off his shoes and ditch the whole idea of running out for wine.

"You're not going anymore?  I really want some wine now that you mentioned it"
"WHAT??!?  You're an emotional wreck and I can't deal with it. One minute, it's stay, then it's go.  Which is it babe?  Help me help you!"

I cried myself to sleep that night.  Not exactly sure why.  I felt so misunderstood.  ...or was I?
The hormones were making me sensitive and vulnerable and paranoid and emotional and ....you name it, I felt it!  He didn't stand a chance.  He was in the line of fire just by his mere existence....and couldn't win. This was one of many stupid, intense, emotionally draining arguments....that had no beginning and no end, seemingly.

A few days after my surgery, I seemed to be regaining my normal hormonal balance.  I'm much calmer and happier.  "Welcome back" he said.  We're never going through this process again....I don't think you can handle the pressure....I QUIT!!!